Blog

January 10, 2019

Libido vs Arousal

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Libido vs Arousal

One of the most common sex therapy issues I see in my office is libido discrepancy, or in simpler terminology, one partner wanting to have sexy time more frequently than another. This difference in desire can become an escalating cycle, since both partners may develop compensatory thinking and behavior and often feel like they “should” […]

November 25, 2018

The World of Sexual Fantasy

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The World of Sexual Fantasy

We all think about sex… In a recent survey, 97% of Americans reported having sexual fantasies. When we fantasize, what do we think about and why? Is what we fantasize about “normal”? How does fantasizing impact our real world sex lives? How does porn and the internet impact how we fantasize about sex? Until recently, […]

October 15, 2018

The 3 Minute Game for Intimacy

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The 3 Minute Game for Intimacy

The resource I use more frequently than any other in my practice with couples is the “3 Minute Game” from Betty Martin. You may have heard of “Sensate Focus” before, a classic tool in the sex therapy repertoire. Sensate Focus was first developed by Masters & Johnson, who were the original pioneers in our field […]

August 17, 2018

Celebrating Ten Years!

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Celebrating Ten Years!

Ten years ago today I saw my first counseling client at a training clinic in San Francisco. I was nervous. I worried she would ask me how many clients I had seen and I would have to admit she was my first one. Our 50 minute session seemed impossibly long. But she didn’t ask, and […]

August 9, 2018

Resources on Jealousy

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Resources on Jealousy

I think we can agree I was a strange kid. I have had a fascination with jealousy since a young age. When I was eight years old I had a book of Protestant sermons on the seven deadly sins, which I dog eared and underlined, particularly the one regarding envy (jealousy’s equally challenging cousin.) I […]

June 11, 2018

“ASSETS” Documentary

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"ASSETS" Documentary

Why do women love butts? Watch this five minute short documentary film project featuring yours truly (my name is spelled wrong – but you’ll recognize me!) Director Gustavo Rendon of the Colorado University Film & Television department explores the age old question of why heterosexual women are attracted to male gluts. A hilarious break for […]

May 31, 2018

Cannabis vs Alcohol

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Cannabis vs Alcohol

Petar Petrov of Extraction magazine examines how cannabis and alcohol effect men differently when approaching women. He asks for my feedback as a sex therapist on how cannibis impacts sexual encounters. Excerpt from my contribution: “Weed has the potential to be a reflective experience and slow down interactions, potentially allowing a partner who tends to […]

May 15, 2018

How does individual therapy catalyze change?

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How does individual therapy catalyze change?

If you’ve never been in therapy, speaking to a therapist in order to create the life you want may seem like a mysterious process. Even if you have attended therapy before and experienced a positive shift, the mechanism by which change was manifested may still seem a mystery. The journey of therapy is unique, the […]

April 20, 2018

Best Mattress for Sex

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Best Mattress for Sex

Insider Living asks 39 sex therapists to weigh in on how to find the best mattress for fabulous sex! Yours truly is first on the list, so check out this link for helpful tips when you buy your next bed: Insider Living: Best Mattress for Sex

March 16, 2018

Try Something New…

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Try Something New...

The tired old trope that a couple should “spice up their sex life,” comes from a very real and common issue: partners that have been together for awhile know each other well. Too well. Their sexual script gets increasingly efficient, knowing exactly what swirl or lick does the trick, and after 237 times exactly like […]

February 13, 2018

Family Affairs: Valentine’s Day Special

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Family Affairs: Valentine's Day Special

Whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day with romantic glee or choose to ignore February’s syrupy sweet holiday altogether, this podcast is for you! Join myself with host Ben Robbins and therapists Matt LeBauer and Lisa Thomas as we discuss how such a couple-centric holiday came to be and how best to enjoy it regardless of your […]

January 31, 2018

Sex Therapists on Deleting Tinder

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Sex Therapists on Deleting Tinder

Lindsey Kline of Rooster magazine asks for sex therapists’ perspectives on the world of online dating. Overwhelmingly, the professional responses she gets recommend searching for love in the real world instead of an app. To read more, including input from yours truly, click here.

January 13, 2018

Weed: A Good Foundation for Relationships?

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Weed: A Good Foundation for Relationships?

Mutual interests and shared hobbies are helpful when building a budding relationship. But do the vices we indulge in connect us or degrade our bonds? Petar Petrov of Rooster magazine explores this question and consults Indigo on the answer. Read more here.

December 15, 2017

Family Affairs: Save Your Sex Drive

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Family Affairs: Save Your Sex Drive

Back so soon on the show? Yes I am! Loss of libido is one of the biggest issues couples walk into my office with. While it’s totally normal for sex drive to ebb and flow as we age and cope with stress, it’s also totally normal to feel frustrated with the amount of sex we’re […]

December 13, 2017

Family Affairs: Survive the Holidays

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Family Affairs: Survive the Holidays

I’m back on Family Affairs! This time I’m with the fabulous Lisa Thomas and Matt LeBauer, as well as host Ben Robbins. We have some light-hearted fun and discuss strategies for getting through the holidays with your family. Listen to Family Affairs Episode “Survive the Holidays” here or wherever you get your podcasts.

December 8, 2017

Can Rebound Sex Be Healthy?

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Can Rebound Sex Be Healthy?

Lindsey Kline of Rooster magazine consults myself and another sex therapist to answer this question in her just published article. Read more here.

November 21, 2017

Living Poly: The Three Ds

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Living Poly: The Three Ds

A technique I like to touch on with all of my clients in open relationships, whether they are starting one for the first time or are seasoned practitioners, is the simple “3D” concept. It’s pretty basic – when you begin seeing a new partner, create a safe container in your current relationship(s) by making sure […]

November 7, 2017

How to Maximize Relationship Therapy

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How to Maximize Relationship Therapy

You’ve been fighting a lot lately. You decide a professional might be able to help. A friend gives you a referral and you make the appointment. The two of you drive separately from work, arrive at the calm office, listen to the noise machine whir as you sit side by side scrolling through social media, […]

October 20, 2017

Family Affairs: Overcome Infidelity

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Family Affairs: Overcome Infidelity

Indigo is back on Family Affairs! New Episode: Overcome Infidelity – Or Don’t. A letter from a listener sparked this conversation (which turned into a whole show) about infidelity. Cheating is the oldest and most challenging story in the sex and relationship book. Anyone who has experienced it first hand – or been witness to […]

September 29, 2017

A Better Metaphor for Sex

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A Better Metaphor for Sex

I recently had the pleasure of seeing sexuality educator Al Vernacchio speak at the Sex & Intimacy Summit in Salt Lake City. Al wants to change the way we talk about sex in America, particularly with teenagers, starting by employing a new and better metaphor for sex. Shifting paradigms to a healthier, consent driven sexuality […]

September 1, 2017

The Four Agreements

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The Four Agreements

As a therapist, I recommend numerous books and psychological tools. Some are suitable only for specific issues and others, like The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, are a useful framework for a diverse array of problematic thinking. Whether a person suffers from mild jealousy or crippling anxiety, relational conflict or loss of direction, The […]

August 14, 2017

My Chronic Pain

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My Chronic Pain

More than 1 in 10 Americans experiences chronic pain. Women are more than twice as likely to be afflicted with chronic pain then men. Over the years I have had dozens of clients and friends, mostly women, who have dealt with chronic pain and had their problems minimized by family and medical providers. (A well-circulated […]

July 28, 2017

Family Affairs: Acupuncture for Fertility

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Family Affairs: Acupuncture for Fertility

Indigo is back on the Family Affairs podcast – a show where we discuss everything from online dating, to divorce, to common (and not-so-common) sexual issues. Episode 61 explores Acupuncture for Fertility and Libido. Join host, Ben Robbins, and guest host, Indigo Stray Conger, for a discussion with Debra Kuhn Gerson, an acupuncturist and leading authority in women’s health, […]

July 18, 2017

Beyond the Binary

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Beyond the Binary

Over the past several decades the vernacular we have around sexual identity has shifted considerably. Those shifts have provided nuance and depth of understanding which previous generations did not have when conceiving of their sexual selves. Most of us know about the revelations that came mid-century from Kinsey and the studies he conducted through his […]

July 4, 2017

Libido Discrepancy

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Libido Discrepancy

Libido discrepancy, or the difference between how often a person and their partner want to get physical, is among the most common issues that couples face. For decades the field of sex and relationship therapy focused on increasing connection and arousal in partners with this problem. Therapists utilized suggestions like adding more date nights or […]

June 26, 2017

Online Dating

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Online Dating

WHY IS IT SO EXHAUSTING? Modern people looking for love go through phases… We post multiple profiles and go out on three dates a week. Then we unplug and hibernate, depleted by the mind numbing process of swiping right. We extol the virtues of a dating style where we can find others with the same […]

June 19, 2017

Living Poly: Grief

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Living Poly: Grief

In the poly community we spend a lot of time discussing compersion – the feeling of joy for your beloved when they are basking in their love for someone else. Contrasted with jealousy, compersion is a delicious experience, where the feeling of love grows exponentially in a relationship instead of creating a sense of competition […]

June 9, 2017

Family Affairs: Kinkier Than You

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Family Affairs: Kinkier Than You

Indigo is back on the Family Affairs podcast – a show where we discuss everything from online dating, to divorce, to common (and not-so-common) sexual issues. Episode 59 explores What To Do When Your Partner Is Kinkier Than You? Join host, Ben Robbins, and guest host, Indigo Stray Conger, for a fun discussion about love and relationships and how […]

May 29, 2017

Coaching vs Counseling

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Coaching vs Counseling

People often tell me they prefer to see a “life coach” not a therapist. Coaching is all the rage. What’s the deal? Even with all the medications Americans take for mental health, seeking help for depression, anxiety, or even relationship concerns is still considered taboo. Seeing a “coach” sounds good. There’s no stigma to seeing a […]

May 1, 2017

Family Affairs: Bisexuality

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Family Affairs: Bisexuality

Check out Indigo Stray Conger on the Podcast Family Affairs: a show where we discuss everything from online dating, to divorce, to common (and not-so-common) sexual issues. Indigo is consulted at the end of Episode 55: Bisexual Guy in a Straight Marriage as an expert in the field of non-traditional and mixed orientation relationships. Follow-up Episode 58: […]

April 28, 2017

Exaholics: Is Love A Drug?

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Exaholics: Is Love A Drug?

Join Indigo Stray Conger LMFT in this half hour webinar originally presented live on Exaholics. We’ll examine the similarities between love and addiction as well as strategies for getting over a painful break-up. Click here to view.

February 28, 2017

Living Poly: Are We Just Sluts?

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Living Poly: Are We Just Sluts?

Are young people more open to polyamory or are we just sluts? Lindsey Kline of Rooster Magazine asks the question and polyamory expert Indigo Stray Conger explores the answer. Spoiler alert: polyamory doesn’t equal promiscuity and because polyamorous partners practice open and honest communication, they tend to be in higher-functioning relationships. Click here to read.

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