Living Poly: Are We Just Sluts?

Are young people more open to polyamory or are we just sluts?

Lindsey Kline of Rooster Magazine asks the question and polyamory expert Indigo Stray Conger explores the answer.

Spoiler alert: polyamory doesn’t equal promiscuity and because polyamorous partners practice open and honest communication, they tend to be in higher-functioning relationships.

Excerpt:

Indigo Stray Conger, a licensed marriage and family therapist based out of Denver, works almost exclusively with couples in alternative relationships — partners who practice polyamory, swinging, or open relationships. She argues that the polyamorous aren’t more promiscuous, because poly isn’t just about sex. It’s the ability to love more than one person at a time.

Among those who practice polyamory, some say it’s an orientation. It’s a predetermined set of characteristics that they cannot change. The same way someone can identify as gay, they identify as poly. Others believe polyamory is a choice. Polyamory makes sense to them logically, so they choose to expand their horizons.

The logic, as Indigo explains it, is that polyamory is practical in an era where we’re living until we turn into wrinkly old raisins.

“If you get married in your twenties, you’re making a much larger commitment than ever before,” Indigo says. “You’re looking at about 60 years with one person. And it’s only recently that love became a primary reason to get married. So this whole idea is relatively new — that you’re supposed to fall in love and stay in love, until you die.”

Polyamory, she says, is for people who remain open to the idea that you can develop different emotions for different people over time.

“There’s a common misconception that poly people aren’t jealous,” Indigo tells us. “But there’s no evidence that poly people are able to turn off their jealousy. They’re just better at dealing with those emotions,” she says.

In order to overcome the envious instinct of a hot-blooded outburst, polyamorous partners have to be able to acknowledge their feelings before they build up and become overwhelming. Once they’re aware of those emotions, they need to be honest with their partner. Only with open communication of what makes one another uncomfortable can any relationship, polyamorous or monogamous, truly thrive.

Indigo admits that because polyamorous partners practice this communication, they tend to be higher-functioning couples. Perhaps eliminating cheating as a major concern allows for a healthy relationship, as well. But polyamory isn’t a partnership cure-all. And it’s certainly not for everyone.

Click here to read the full article at Rooster Magazine.