Quirofilia
Well+Good asks me about hand fetishes. Read the full article here or an excerpt of my contributions below:
What is quirofilia?
“A true fetish means that the object must be present for arousal and/or orgasm to occur,” explains Indigo Stray Conger, LMFT, CST, an AASECT-certified sex therapist at Mile High Psychotherapy in Denver. “In quirofilia, this would mean that looking at, touching, or being touched by a hand is a necessary part of the sexual excitation cycle and that a person with quirofilia is unusually focused on hands as an arousal point.”
A person with a hand fetish may get turned on by the whole hand or certain parts of it, such as the fingernails, fingers, palm, or the back of the hand where veins can be visible.
Hand fetishes are unique to each individual. Some people may get aroused when their partner caresses their body with manicured hands. Others may get turned on by seeing their partner wearing gloved hands. While others may simply get aroused by sucking on their partner's hands.
Even though there's a dearth of studies on the prevalence of quirofilia, it’s a fairly common fetish that feels very natural due to how hands are often involved in sexual acts.
Why are hands sexually arousing?
Hands can be a turn-on for a variety of reasons. For starters, attraction to veiny hands stems from an evolutionary place, particularly for those in cisgender, heterosexual (aka cishet) relationships.
“From the perspective of evolutionary biology, having visible veins, or vascularity, in a man typically indicates overall good health and low body fat,” Conger says. “Vascularity also tends to be most pronounced when, say, a man has recently been working out or exerting himself, which may be read unconsciously by a glancing female as a sexual cue.”
How to communicate your hand fetish to a partner
Hand fetishes are pretty common and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed to share that you have a hand fetish with your partner(s). However, if you feel vulnerable sharing this proclivity, you can try asking them what turns them on as a starting point.
“Even if their answer is vague or tends toward the most normative attraction points, this can give you an opening to mention that you have more particular tastes,” Conger advises. “Usually, a partner that is into you will be happy to have a few tips regarding how to turn you on.”
When communicating with your partner(s), it may be best to share what exactly it is about hands that arouses you and possibly even suggest a few tips. That way, they can have a better understanding of how to incorporate this fetish into your sex life.
If you get turned on by touching, kissing, or sucking on hands (with the other person as the more passive receiver), you can ask for their consent to explore this while they relax.
The bottom line: Quirofilia—like many other fetishes—is a healthy expression of sexual desire and there are various ways that you can explore it. As long as you're doing it safely, with consent, and hitting your core desires, then you're probably doing it right.