Safer LGBTQ+ Sex
Flo asked myself and other sexperts to share their tips for a safer, more satisfying sex life and a healthier queer community.
Read the full article here, or an excerpt below:
Safer Sex: What LGBTQ+ People Should Know About STIs
Everyone deserves to have a fulfilling sex life, and ensuring your safety — and the safety of your partners — is a super important part of that.
The fact is, bodily fluids are where most STIs live. Chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis can be passed from partner to partner through oral sex, as the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) points out. That’s why practicing safer sex and having regular STI tests is so important.
Indigo Stray Conger, a bisexual sex and relationship therapist who works with the LGBTQ+ community in the U.S., says: “These conditions can have a serious impact on a person’s health, but if they’re detected early, they’re easily treatable.”
Human papillomavirus (HPV) and Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV or herpes) can also easily spread during oral sex. “HPV and HSV are relatively easy to transmit, particularly if a partner has a breakout or there are cuts/abrasions in a partner’s mouth,” Conger says.
Conger stresses that HPV and HSV can also be transmitted through manual sex, such as handjobs or fingering. “Risk is relatively low, particularly if a breakout is not present,” she explains. Using latex gloves or finger cots if you have any cuts or abrasions on your hand can significantly reduce the risk. “If manual stimulation is over clothing, the likelihood of contact with sufficient sexual fluid in a cut or abrasion to transmit an STI is extremely low,” she says.
HIV can also be transmitted orally or during manual sex through a cut or abrasion. Thanks to preventative medicines (AKA PrEP) and long-term HIV treatments, people with the virus can live long and healthy lives. The use of barriers, like condoms, in addition to PrEP can help protect from HIV transmission. Developments in HIV treatment also mean that if you’re HIV-positive and undergoing antiretroviral therapy (ART), the virus in your bloodstream can be reduced to undetectable levels so you don’t pass it to others.
Remember too that most STIs can be transmitted anally. “Because the lining of the anus is thin, the skin is more likely to sustain a rupture during sexual activity,” Conger says. “Therefore, the risk of STI infection during anal sex is higher than when engaging in other kinds of sex.” That means barriers, such as condoms or dental dams, are a must for safe anal play.
“Oral-to-anal sexual contact without barriers can result in an E.coli infection for the partner using their mouth on the anus during sex or after giving a blow job to a partner whose penis has been used in unbarriered anal contact,” she adds.
How to Safely Share Sex Toys
If sex toys play a part in your sex life, Conger explains that you should consider using barrier protection methods with toys just like you would with genitalia. “Put a condom on a dildo or use a dental dam over an egg vibrator,” she says. “Never use toys both vaginally and anally, as this can cause infection and always thoroughly disinfect a sex toy before — and after — using it on yourself or your partner.”
Safer Sex: Preventing STI Transmission
Safer sex starts in the bedroom. Barrier methods of protection, such as latex gloves, dental dams, or condoms, are great for preventing STI transmission.
“Get tested regularly if you have new partners in your relationship landscape — or one of your partners does — to minimize the risk of a more serious STI going undetected,” Conger says.
Getting tested isn’t a big deal — most STIs can be tested for with a swab or a blood/urine test that’s relatively quick and pain-free. Remember, talking openly about STI transmission prevention dispels myths and reduces stigmas, so there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Safer Sex: Why You Should Be Open and Honest with Your Partner
It’s no secret that communication is the key to better sex, but it’s also the key to safer sex. Finding a partner you trust — whether for a casual encounter or a committed relationship — will empower you to have safer and more enjoyable sex. Remember, unsafe sex is about more than STI risk. “Safe sex is knowing your boundaries and having the tools to communicate them well with a partner that you trust,” Conger says.