Why You Cry After Sex

Find out the scientific explanation for postcoital dysphoria on Giddy, with input from yours truly.

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Crying after sex is tied to a medical condition called postcoital dysphoria—aka "post-sex blues"—or inexplicable feelings of tearfulness, sadness and/or irritability after a sexual experience (even a positive one!). It's not a rare issue at all: 92 percent of women and men experienced postcoital dysphoria, according to a 2020 study on postcoital symptoms in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Women were more likely to experience sadness and mood swings after sex, while men were more likely to experience unhappiness and fatigue.

There's a reason why women shed more tears after sex than men, said Indigo Stray Conger, a sex therapist and owner of Mile High Psychotherapy in Denver. Women don't experience as much shame or confliction around accessing their tears, she explained.

That doesn't mean men can't (or shouldn't) cry; it's just that they tend to be more embarrassed or ashamed about crying in front of people, especially when nude, thanks to societal norms that suggest any show of emotion is a sign of weakness.

"When it does happen," Conger said, "it can be a little bit more intense for them because they're not used to or OK with crying."

The good news: Post-sex tears likely have nothing to do with what went down between the sheets. Instead, they're probably a reaction to everything else you're dealing with on a day-to-day basis. When you're stressed, the body makes more of a hormone called cortisol; typically, it's released in small amounts when we face low to moderate stress or anxiety, so we may not even notice the tension is there, Conger said.

But too much cortisol can build up over time, increasing muscle tension throughout your body (think about how tightly wound you might be after an argument with a partner or a bad meeting with your boss). If you aren't engaging in normal stress-relieving activities, such as exercising, eating right or sleeping for a solid eight hours per day, sex might be the only time your body has to work through that built-up tension.

"Crying after sex can be a really positive release," Conger said. "Often, the only negative thing that happens is when we feel like it's not normal, so we start to stress out about it, causing the stress and anxiety to build back up."