Anticipation & Better Sex

The Girlfriend explores how to “get the butterflies back” in a long term relationship and asks for my thoughts.

Read the full article here or an excerpt below:

As Indigo Stray Conger, owner of Mile High Psychotherapy, points out, “long-term relationships require an intentional building of anticipation that balances sexual tension with the inevitable familiarity of committed companionship.”

The idea of regressing back to the butterfly-stage of your relationship is enticing, but is it really possible? According to the experts I consulted, it most definitely is. Keep reading for their best tips.

Delay your desires

Just say, “Not yet.” It is easy to get in the habit of having sex whenever the mood strikes, but where is the fun in that? Conger says, “sexual excitement is fed by longing, or the inability to have what you crave immediately,” so go ahead and schedule intimacy for a time in the near future.

Flirt with intention

As you wait for the date to arrive, Conger says, “try to experience your partner as if they are unfamiliar instead of taking their presence for granted.” Let your memory replay your first date or first kiss with your partner and remember how much you craved his touch. Bring this sense of longing to your daily interactions as you introduce sensual touches. “Lightly graze their arm with your fingertips or allow yourselves to linger longer in a hello or goodbye kiss. Let that moment of real connection feed the desire between you and draw you together more heatedly later,” suggests Conger.