Blue Balls

Nikki Cossins of Next Luxury asks me and other experts if “blue balls” are a real thing and, if they are, is guilt tripping a partner for sex appropriate?

Read the full article here or an excerpt below:

Telling a woman she’s giving you blue balls is avoiding responsibility for your own frustrations.

Maybe you’ve been getting hot and heavy “and your erection is rock hard, but she does not owe you a willingness to sexually engage with you under any circumstances,” says Indigo Stray Conger, Certified Sex Therapist. “There are many reasons a woman may choose to stop sexual activity before you climax and your frustration is not your date’s problem.”

You may have expectations that you’ll get to enjoy an orgasm on a date that is building your excitation level, making you way more likely to receive an erection. Instead, go into the date with an open mind and hope for the best but never expect anything.

If you feel like you must reach an orgasm, Stray Conger suggests asking to masturbate in her company or together. This way “your date doesn’t have to compromise her boundaries so that you can orgasm the way you envisioned.” But this isn’t first date talk (unless you’re feeling risky), and be prepared to receive some backlash as not all women will take it well. Some will feel equally sexually frustrated and be up for a good time without having to fully give themselves to you (it’s a win-win), while others would not-so-subtly leave early.

Plus, “many a woman has been close to cumming and is unable to enjoy that moment before her partner orgasms, loses his erection, and falls asleep,” says Stray Conger. Men talk up their bedroom skills only to leave women with the equivalent of blue balls, known as “blue uterus,” or the more catchy “pink pelvis.”

Men often use blue balls as a way to guilt-trip women into getting them off because we ‘just don’t know what it feels like’, but it seems like we actually do. Women don’t put that responsibility on men, so “why should it be acceptable behavior for men to put that responsibility on women?” says Stray Conger.