How to Talk to a Senior Loved One
Emily Starbuck Gerson on Care.com asks me how to talk to a senior loved one about getting a hearing aid, or any other age related issue they may have difficulty accepting.
Read the full article here or an excerpt below:
Despite the certainty of aging, we tend to resist it and struggle to accept the changes. It’s a normal human reaction, but it can challenge family caregivers, especially when it comes to broaching the topic of needing hearing aids.
“No one wants to believe that they are getting old,” explains Indigo Stray Conger, licensed marriage and family therapist with Mile High Psychotherapy in Colorado. “Declining with age represents a loss of autonomy and independence that can never be reversed and will end with death. Depending on medical devices for basic functioning can bring up feelings of mortality and existential dread beyond simple hearing loss.”
Hearing loss is often a gradual process, and for many, so is the process of recognizing and accepting it. So start floating concerns before it’s critical, Conger says. “Don’t expect them to agree to utilize a hearing aid the same day you talk with them, or even the same year,” Conger adds.
When your loved one claims their hearing isn’t a problem or blames it on outside factors, it’s helpful to gently highlight examples of when they struggled to hear. Seniors may react by insisting it’s not of anyone else’s concern, says Conger. But that’s incorrect.
Conger advises to “keep impatience, judgment and negative emotion out of your tone.”
Rather than starting off with a big, intimidating talk, Conger suggests occasionally pointing out hearing issues in real time to plant seeds for a more serious conversation later. For example, pointing out that you’re having to speak very loudly to be heard by them.
Conger suggests using “I” statements to frame your concerns, which makes them harder to dismiss. For example, Conger says, the statement, “You can’t hear me when I talk to you on the phone anymore” is far less impactful than this: “I was really scared when I was trying to tell you something important over the phone and you couldn’t understand what I was saying.”
Conger suggests tailoring your approach to their personality.
“If you know your loved one enjoys the independence of driving, express how worried you are about the dangers of driving without being able to hear everything,” she shares as an example. Another, she adds, is if they love time with grandkids, point out how nice it would be to hear everything and therefore feel fully engaged when playing together.