Unequal Division of Labor
Alexis Berger of Well+Good consults with me about an unequal burden of emotional labor in her relationship. Her husband expects her to manage where everything is in the kitchen, despite the fact that both of them are career professionals who utilize the kitchen equally.
Excerpt:
“It is imperative that both of you understand you are talking about more than spoons or blenders,” says Indigo Stray Conger, LMFT. “You are talking about whether you can count on him to shoulder equal adult responsibilities in the household.” To that end, while his lack of awareness has certainly peeved me, it’s on me to explain to him why that is and start a conversation about how we can fix it.
According to Conger, this requires sticking to a three-step plan.
State my problem
Devise a plan together to fix said problem. In my case, Conger suggests asking my husband if he could mindfully learn the contents of the kitchen so as to stop asking me where, say, the hand soap is, when it’s either in the only place where it should be (next to the sink) or out—in which case [takes deep breath], can you please take it upon yourself to go pick up a new bottle?
Trust the plan will be implemented and let go of control.
Enjoy the full article at Well+ Good here.
Find me on a list of Well + Good Experts here.
For more resources on emotional labor check out this popular 2017 article by Gemma Hartley or her book Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women and the Way Forward.