What Exactly Are The Five Love Languages?

Sarah Fielding of Women’s Health explores the Five Love Languages by consulting with relationship experts, including myself.

Excerpt:

First introduced by marriage counselor Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages, they “provide an easy way to curate a conversation about meeting one another's needs in a relationship,” says Indigo Stray Conger, licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist. “Over time, couples can feel that they are both making a sincere effort to show love to their partner, yet somehow end up missing each other and feeling distant.” 

ACTS OF SERVICE: For anyone with acts of service as their love language, actions speak louder than words. “For people this love language resonates with, words and gifts might seem empty,” says Conger. “What proves more important is a partner putting forth the effort to make life a little easier and sweeter. Cooking a meal, running an errand without being asked, remembering to take care of the small details of life in a way that shows their beloved they are seen and loved.” Doing things you anticipate your partner wants or needs demonstrates how much you value and care for them.

PHYSICAL TOUCH: While it's easy to assume what this one means, no, the love language physical touch is not just about sex. In fact, Conger explains people who identify with this language may not have a higher libido than those who don't. “But they do feel most connected when touch is involved,” she says. “Often, a partner who values physical touch would like long, lingering hugs or cuddling close more than other ways of showing love.” Do you always want to hold your partner's hand when you walk? Do you always want to snuggle up close to them? Do you feel loved more strongly when they're by your side? If this resonates, then this love language is probably yours.

“A common mistake that many people make is to show love to their partners in the way that they themselves would like to be loved,” says Conger. “Or to assume that because their beloved shows love with gifts that they would like to receive gifts in return. In fact, they might prefer spending time together.”

Read about the rest of the Love Languages and how to find yours in the full article here.